


Texting With The Egos

by MarianKat



Category: jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Anti can get bitchy, Bim is a glittery prick, Eric is a smol bean, Magical stuffs, Mentions of Marvin/Anti, Mentions of Robbie the Zombie, Other, just something silly, my attempts at humor, text conversations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22086574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarianKat/pseuds/MarianKat
Summary: The egos are in a group chat :)Based off my Short Stories work.
Relationships: Bing/Google, Darkiplier/Wilford Warfstache, Dr. Iplier/Dr. Schneeplestein
Comments: 7
Kudos: 67





	1. The First Chat

**‘Darkiplier’ added ‘Dr.1’ and ‘Google’ to chat.  
**

Darkiplier: I’ve add you guys to discuss the state of the mansion, as well as the behavior of the others.

Dr.1: why did u call me up then?

Darkiplier: What do you mean?

Dr.1: imma doctor, not a carpenter

Google: That does seem unnecessary, Dark

Darkiplier: You two are the most logical out of everyone.

Dr.1: wow thx :)

Google: I know I am. 

Dr.1: oh btw, Dark im sorry, ur dying

Darkiplier: ...I regret my decision.

**‘Google’ added ‘WillyStache’ to chat.**

WillyStache: Why am I here?

Google: You’ve lived in the mansion as long as Dark has, so you seem best equipped for this situation.

WillyStache: oh okie

WillyStache: WAIT

WillyStache: DARKIPOO’S HERE?! HI DARKY!

Darkiplier: Google, why?

**‘WillyStache’ changed ‘Darkiplier’ to ‘Darkipoo’, chat name to ‘Spice Girls’**

Darkipoo: Wil, why?

WillyStache: Life needs a little bit of madness. ;)

Google: And stupidity, apparently.

Dr.1: ok, im out theres coffee calling my name.

Darkipoo: I thought we were supposed to talk about the mansion?

WillyStache: Nah, fuck that, this is fun.


	2. Somebody Took Wilford’s Sugar

WillyStache: ALRIGHT. WHICH ONE OF YOU LITTLE SHITS GOT INTO MY CANDY STASH?!

Darkipoo: You know it wasn’t me. Too much sugar gives me a stomachache. 

WillyStache: Yeh, you don’t eat candy.

WillyStache: BUT THE REST OF YOU AREN’T OFF THE HOOK. WHO WAS IT?

Dr.1: wasnt me. imma doctor. 

WillyStache: That doesn’t mean you don’t eat candy. :(

Google: Wilford, think of all the people that would need the false energy of your sugar. 

WillyStache: okie. I have a few peeps in mind. Robbie?

Dr.1: he doesnt need sugar. hes got magic.

WillyStache: Was it Eric? He’s seems like the kind of thief to do it. 

Darkipoo: NO. LEAVE THE INNOCENT BOI OUT OF THIS. He knows how you feel about your candy.

Dr.1: maybe it was me.

WillyStache: YOU SONOFABITCH!!

Dr.1: nah no it wasn’t me. dont remember.

WillyStache: Fuck you! >:|

Google: Who was it then?

**G̵͙̻̃͊͊̊l̷̩̹͙̿̈́ị̴͚̋͋ͅͅt̴͇̙͉̆̽̓c̵̘̱̈́͐̅͆h̸̺̠̓̔͌̔t̶̮̼̥̓̇̈́̍u̴͎̦̘̞̅r̷̛̼̐͗̄ͅt̷̙͋́̐l̵̝̭̘̳̄̕é̸̩̝̗͌ ̶͕̖̤͍̅͊̇j̸̞͖̐͆ǫ̵̥̈́i̸̠͖͝ń̴̗̘̈͝ê̴͔͔͇̗d̵͙͖̪̭̿ ̴̤̭̀́͠t̶̬̅h̵̘̐͛ę̶͈̊̓̆͜ ̷̗͖̯̿̒̂̒c̸̢̮̰͉̿̉̌h̷̗͈̦̎̒̑̈ạ̵̍̆͊́ẗ̸̘̟̬̘́̃̀.̸̞̫̿ͅ ̵͍͙̬͖̕͠͝**

G̵͙̻̃͊͊̊l̷̩̹͙̿̈́ị̴͚̋͋ͅͅt̴͇̙͉̆̽̓c̵̘̱̈́͐̅͆h̸̺̠̓̔͌̔t̶̮̼̥̓̇̈́̍u̴͎̦̘̞̅r̷̛̼̐͗̄ͅt̷̙͋́̐l̵̝̭̘̳̄̕é̸̩̝̗͌: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS. 

Google: Of course it was you. 

Darkipoo: How did you get in here? You need an invite to be added. 

G̵͙̻̃͊͊̊l̷̩̹͙̿̈́ị̴͚̋͋ͅͅt̴͇̙͉̆̽̓c̵̘̱̈́͐̅͆h̸̺̠̓̔͌̔t̶̮̼̥̓̇̈́̍u̴͎̦̘̞̅r̷̛̼̐͗̄ͅt̷̙͋́̐l̵̝̭̘̳̄̕é̸̩̝̗͌: I live in the internet, dude. I’d find my way in here somehow. 

**‘Google’ added ‘AceMagic6’ to the chat**

AceMagic6: Wuts going on here?

Dr.1: scroll up ^

AceMagic6: ohhh. Anti, give Wilford his candy back. Ur usually not like this.

G̵͙̻̃͊͊̊l̷̩̹͙̿̈́ị̴͚̋͋ͅͅt̴͇̙͉̆̽̓c̵̘̱̈́͐̅͆h̸̺̠̓̔͌̔t̶̮̼̥̓̇̈́̍u̴͎̦̘̞̅r̷̛̼̐͗̄ͅt̷̙͋́̐l̵̝̭̘̳̄̕é̸̩̝̗͌: No can do. I ate it all. >:)

WillyStache: YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. 

G̵͙̻̃͊͊̊l̷̩̹͙̿̈́ị̴͚̋͋ͅͅt̴͇̙͉̆̽̓c̵̘̱̈́͐̅͆h̸̺̠̓̔͌̔t̶̮̼̥̓̇̈́̍u̴͎̦̘̞̅r̷̛̼̐͗̄ͅt̷̙͋́̐l̵̝̭̘̳̄̕é̸̩̝̗͌: Hah. Jokes on you, I’m not really alive. 

WillyStache: I WILL MAKE YOU PUKE IT UP THEN. I’M GONNA CHOKE YOU!

G̵͙̻̃͊͊̊l̷̩̹͙̿̈́ị̴͚̋͋ͅͅt̴͇̙͉̆̽̓c̵̘̱̈́͐̅͆h̸̺̠̓̔͌̔t̶̮̼̥̓̇̈́̍u̴͎̦̘̞̅r̷̛̼̐͗̄ͅt̷̙͋́̐l̵̝̭̘̳̄̕é̸̩̝̗͌: harder daddy. 

Darkipoo: Anti, shut up. There are young ears around here. 

AceMagic6: I apologize for his behavior. He gets bitchy when he has too much energy. 

G̵͙̻̃͊͊̊l̷̩̹͙̿̈́ị̴͚̋͋ͅͅt̴͇̙͉̆̽̓c̵̘̱̈́͐̅͆h̸̺̠̓̔͌̔t̶̮̼̥̓̇̈́̍u̴͎̦̘̞̅r̷̛̼̐͗̄ͅt̷̙͋́̐l̵̝̭̘̳̄̕é̸̩̝̗͌: You have no place to speak. You get high off your ass when you eat a single bit of chocolate. 

AceMagic6: hehe oops


	3. Squirrels

**‘Darkipoo’ added ‘Nut King’ to the chat**

Darkipoo: King, one of your squirrels broke into my wardrobe and chewed a hole through one of my shirts. 

WillyStache: That’s new!

Nut King: that must be Ella. gimme a sec. 

Nut King: Ella says she’s sry. but she thinks your clothes taste good. 

Darkipoo: I’m glad to hear that. Please make sure she doesn’t eat it again. 

Nut King: Yeah, sure. I’m not making any guarantees for John tho.

Darkipoo: Who now?

Nut King: John is another squirrel. He likes to scratch up boots for some reason. 

WillyStache: HE DOES WHAT NOW?! Haha Darky! ;)

Darkipoo: ThAt ExPlAiNs A fEw ThInGs.


	4. The Glittery Prick Arrives

Dr.1: bim got glitter all over my desk 

AceMagic6: oh no. Not again!

Dr.1: yeh it’s annoying

Darkipoo: I’ll talk to Bim about this and get him to stop.

Dr.1: thx Dark

WillyStache: Why take away his glitter? The boy loves the stuff!

AceMagic6: Yeah, he’s obsessed w/ it. That’s why it had to go.

**‘Mr. Fab!’ j̸͖͖̣̽̐̄o̷͎̬͕̾̅ĭ̴̼̓̋n̶̰͎̓̓̏̒e̵̻̲̕d̵̢̙̀̋̍̒ ̵͖̖̼̺͆ţ̷̤̋͆ḥ̸͚̅̔͘͝ē̸̺ ̸͓̙̮̽̿͗͜c̸̼̤̊̅h̶͕̞̲͛̊͆a̶̟̭͖͑͊t̶̩͚̮̿̀͗͝**

Mr. Fab!: Why are u guys having a chat w/out me?

AceMagic6: Bc your self-entitled ego is humongous. 

Mr. Fab!: AM NOT. I’m perfect in every shape and form. Therefore, I’m right.

Dr.1: there it is

AceMagic6: The narcissism strikes again. How did you get here anyways? 

Darkipoo: ANTI. What the hell. Do you know what you did?

G̵̘̔l̷̬̓̕̕i̵̗̻̪̔̊̈̅ͅt̷͓͖̾c̸̥͑͊͐̊h̶̜͎̬͋̈́ṯ̵̟̤̟͑u̷͖̤͘r̴̯̮͗͒́ṱ̸̥̟̞͊̇̚l̷̦͛ẹ̴̗̊̊: Wdym? I made this chat better!

Nut King: I’m not even gonna bother with this.

Google: Agreed.

**‘Dr.1’ changes ‘Mr. Fab!’ to ‘Sparkly Full of Himself Bitch’**

Sparkly Full of Himself Bitch: CHANGE IT BACK. NOW.

Dr.1: nope

**‘WillyStache’ changes ‘Sparkly Full of Hinself Bitch’ to ‘Gameshow Slimeball’**

Gameshow Slimeball: Welp. That’s better than nothing. You really don’t have an imagination, do you Wilford?

WillyStache: I use all of my creativity to think of patterns for my bulletholes. 

Darkipoo: YOU DO WHAT NOW?!


	5. Help

Darkipoo: Guys, I need your help.

Google: What kind of assistance do you need?

Darkipoo: Wilford fell asleep in my lap and I don’t want to wake him.

Dr.1: aawwww. thats adorable! :) reminds me of Schneep.

Darkipoo: I REALLY NEED TO STAND UP AND DO PAPERWORK BUT I DON’T WANT TO WAKE THE CUTE FLUFFBALL OF INSANITY. Help me heeerreee!

AceMagic6: have u tried doing the Indiana Jones move? 

Darkipoo: No? What’s that?

AceMagic6: it’s when u switch one thing out for another. Like a bowling ball for a melon, stoof like that.

Google: *stuff.

AceMagic6: no google I meant stoof.

Darkipoo: So you’re suggesting I switch out my lap with a pillow?

Google: Yes. He is.

Darkipoo: Alright. Here goes nothing.

Dr.1: marvin, did u hear that?

AceMagic6: yeah. Sounds like snoring.

Darkipoo: It worked. Thank you. Now I got to make sure that he doesn’t sleep past dinner time, because he gets hangry when that happens.


	6. P!ATD

Google: Okay, so I *may* have accidentally discovered Panic! At The Disco...

AceMagic6: WHAT

Dr.1: they’re so awesome!

AceMagic6: GOOGLE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE GETTING INTO?

Google: No?

AceMagic6: you know how I’m obsessed with Thirty Seconds To Mars?

Google: Yes.

AceMagic6: YOU GET SUCKED INTO THE FANDOM AND YOU CANT ESCAPE BECAUSE THEYRE SO GOOD!

Google: Uh oh. Is this figuratively or literally?

Dr.1: both kinda

Google: That won’t be good on my circuits.


	7. Pet Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one got weird. :-

Nut King: I was climbing around earlier and I saw the weirdest thing. It could fly, but it looked like a strange horse. Anyone know what that was?

Darkipoo: Oh. That’s one of the neighbor’s pets. It’s a dragon. Very nice though. Likes ties for some reason.

Google: A WHAT?! Dragons don’t exist!

Nut King: I saw it and dark met it so it’s real.

Google: Ṱ̶̡̭͖̚͜h̸̦̭̝̮̭͚̗͠͝-̶̻͉͎͎̺̉͌̓́͝T̵̛̙͎̋h̶̭̖̝͍̒̀͊̀̕͠ȃ̵͖͖̲̞̠̬̈́͐̃̉a̷̤̮̫̍̎͆̔͐̕͝a̵̧̰̜̫̿t̵̬͙͛͒́̚’̶̧̨̧̺̭̯̑̒̀̿̕͜s̴̳̘̩̩͖̑̋̚ ̵̟̱̮̰́͒̂͑̕ͅĩ̴̩͙̂̅͗ḿ̴̧͔͙̻͖̥̒͒̿p̸̧̓̚ơ̶͈͚̰̼̼̆͛s̶͙̞̲̼̹̙͝s̸̰̔̈-̵̫͓͕͉̺̩̅̚͠ͅs̷̛͚̅́̎̍̕s̵̹̝͋̈͑į̸͖̦͉̗̌̚b̶͚̖͎̝͒̑̿͐͠l̶̢̻̰͔͕̪̅̃́͆͊̅͌e̴͖͒̈̉́̕͠.̵͙̳̰̳͉͉̆ ̴̽̾͂͒̚͜T̶̤̥̅h̸̞͔͗́̒̂͒͝ḛ̸̕͠y̸̡̪̖͈̫͇̐̄̉͑̅͝ ̴̧̢̥̙͔̀̏̆́̈́̚͝ș̵̨̖̝̔͂́h̴͖͎̃̐̓-̸͎̝͐́͛̊̅͋͠s̷̛͈̣̰̦͚̲̯̒̓͒̏͊͒h̶̳͓̼͉̻̀̆ͅo̵͇̼̼͎͖̫͛̂̅̅͘u̶̧̻͉̿͘͜l̴̥̬̹̮̝̯̓̀̔̂̾̐̎ͅd̸̨̧̫͖͎̞̀̉͝n̵̻̖̯͉͊’̵̨̣̳̟̫̬̘̌̈́t̴̺̪̞̭̾ ̴̱̈́̆̈́͛͋̚͝e̷͉͕͖̺̍̐̀ẋ̶̰͕̈͒͐͘̚i̶̭͙͕͒̅̑̉̆͑͝s̴͕̜̺̼̚͝t̴̯̺̗̲̜̬̪̍͌̕!̴̨̧͚̬̳̘̣́

Darkipoo: Oh no. Looks like we broke Google. 

Nut King: Well... umm...

**‘Nut King’ adds ‘B!ng’ to the chat.**

Nut King: how to we prove to google that dragons exist? 

B!ng: send a vid or somethin. In the meantime, imma try to do some rewiring in his networking to get him running prop again. 

Nut King: okay. Lemme just get vid now 

Google: That’s better, thank you Bing. 

B!ng: no prob! 

Nut King: I couldn’t get a video while I was out, but I got pics.  
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/46021227430854694/ 

Google: King, what the fuck? 

Nut King: hahaaaa pranked! 

Google: Dark, were you in on this? 

Darkipoo: Yep. 


	8. Chapter 8

I am legitimately surprised at how much kudos I am getting on this, even though I haven’t updated in forever. I have some ideas brewing, now I just need a way to put them into action. 

*rubs hands evilly* muahahaHAHAHAHAHA- **cough cough hack** -I’M OKAY!!


	9. Quarantine

WillyStache: hey has anybody seen Dark? He’s gone missing and I’m worried about him. 

Dr.1: what was he like before he disappeared?

WillyStache: he got quiet. Like really quiet. He wouldn’t talk to me.

Google: I fail to see how that would indicate someone going missing. King’s ADHD antics starting up seem more likely. 

WillyStache: he seemed empty, like nothing was going on. 

Dr.1: do you know when he was born? i know it was forever ago bc time and aging is weird with him. 

WillyStache: I know he was around during some weird... time? I don’t really remember. It was like this. 

Google: Go look for Dark. Dr. Iplier you and I are gonna do some research.

Dr.1: what did u find Googs?

Google: Chances are that Dark was in the 1920 influenza pandemic. This quarantine might bring up some bad memories.

WillyStache: I found him wedged behind the couch, napping. If that’s true, I think I’ll leave him to it. 

Google: Good. Keep an eye on him if he needs anything. He might need you. 

WillyStache: okay


End file.
